Cary, Crystal Lake, Barrington, Schaumburg, Palatine, Woodstock, Lake in the Hills and McHenry, IL
2/4/07; 9:09 PM
A 58 year old woman consulted me yesterday because she wants marriage counseling to either make her 78 year old husband more "interesting" or make him OK enough for her to leave him. She's active, goes birdwatching some mornings at 6: AM and might cross-country ski certain mornings around 7.
He's no slouch though!! He plays basketball 3 nights a week, walks throughout the local mall regularly, is in great shape and is an avid reader.
His wife says that he just doesn't say anything "interesting anymore." He tells me he's happy with his life AND loves his wife too.
I'm wondering if there isn't a missing person involved somehow. She staunchly claims there isn't but...?
This change of heart just doesn't feel right to me...
What do you think?
Dr Mike, 847 516 0899;
www.nextdayappointment.com
Showing posts with label cary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cary. Show all posts
Sunday, February 4, 2007
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Can Paxil Mend Infidelity?
Cary, Crystal Lake, Algonquin, IL; 6:13 PM; Feb 1, 2007
Bill, a 45 year old optometrist, has been struggling with the issue of marriage counseling for many years. The problem is that his wife says he has the problem; she won't come.
She doesn't know he's having an affair with a 32 year old woman who he can't get off his mind. He reports being obsessed like a lovesick kid and talks about her great body and the wild sex they have.
It seemed to me he was becoming a slave to this obsession; he was tormented. We systematically assessed whether this woman was worth it and he'd always conclude "No." But he couldn't get her out of his mind.
As a hunch I suggested he give Paxil a trial. Paxil is an anti-depressant which shows some success in loosening the grip of obsessions. He was skeptical but agreed to try it.
For the last 2 weeks he's reported "not caring" as much about this woman, and even though they are still in contact, he's feeling that her grip on him is loosening. Well it's a little early to tell but the latest reports are encouraging.
Will the relationship with his wife improve? What do you think?
Dr Mike, drmike@nextdayappointment.com, psychologist and marriage counselor, 847 516 0899.
Bill, a 45 year old optometrist, has been struggling with the issue of marriage counseling for many years. The problem is that his wife says he has the problem; she won't come.
She doesn't know he's having an affair with a 32 year old woman who he can't get off his mind. He reports being obsessed like a lovesick kid and talks about her great body and the wild sex they have.
It seemed to me he was becoming a slave to this obsession; he was tormented. We systematically assessed whether this woman was worth it and he'd always conclude "No." But he couldn't get her out of his mind.
As a hunch I suggested he give Paxil a trial. Paxil is an anti-depressant which shows some success in loosening the grip of obsessions. He was skeptical but agreed to try it.
For the last 2 weeks he's reported "not caring" as much about this woman, and even though they are still in contact, he's feeling that her grip on him is loosening. Well it's a little early to tell but the latest reports are encouraging.
Will the relationship with his wife improve? What do you think?
Dr Mike, drmike@nextdayappointment.com, psychologist and marriage counselor, 847 516 0899.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Put Myself in Time-Out?
Cary, IL; 4:13 PM
A couple just left; the wife complained that they couldn't talk about anything without arguing. The husband would rage and sh'd yell back. It could be about punctuality, bills or anything else.
I said the first principle of marriage counseling is Destruction Reduction. Lower the volume in the house...even if you don't talk at all! Get rid of the outer manifestations of hostility.
You do this by putting yourself in "Time-Out" when you feel the tension build up. Give your spouse the time-out sign, explain that you're feeling uncomfortable and explain that you're going in the backyard for 60 minutes after which you'll return to talk it out.
I explained that you had to let the adrenalin drain away before resuming.
The husband said "Time-out; I put my kids in time-out. That's not for me!"
Hmm...
A couple just left; the wife complained that they couldn't talk about anything without arguing. The husband would rage and sh'd yell back. It could be about punctuality, bills or anything else.
I said the first principle of marriage counseling is Destruction Reduction. Lower the volume in the house...even if you don't talk at all! Get rid of the outer manifestations of hostility.
You do this by putting yourself in "Time-Out" when you feel the tension build up. Give your spouse the time-out sign, explain that you're feeling uncomfortable and explain that you're going in the backyard for 60 minutes after which you'll return to talk it out.
I explained that you had to let the adrenalin drain away before resuming.
The husband said "Time-out; I put my kids in time-out. That's not for me!"
Hmm...
Monday, January 29, 2007
The Doorway to Infidelity and its Cure
Cary, IL. Jan 29, 2007 3:49 PM
Just finished with Jon. Jon doesn't know what to do with himself. He's married, two great kids but he's obsessed with Cynthia. She lives 5 hours away but his National Guard duty brings them in frequent contact.
I met his wife, Beth-she's great and has no idea about this. Where cynthia is concerned, Jon says he can't get past the making-out in cars and the excitement of it all.
I ask him to focus on whether or not his current lifestyle is helping or hurting him. He's smart and knows that his constant obsessing about Cynthia who lives 5 hours away drains him of almost all his energy so he can't stay focused on his wife and family.
Maybe I should ask him to list all the ways his affair is harming him...you know...to highlight it.
What do you think would help?
Dr Mike S. www.nextdayappointment.com; 847 516 0899
Just finished with Jon. Jon doesn't know what to do with himself. He's married, two great kids but he's obsessed with Cynthia. She lives 5 hours away but his National Guard duty brings them in frequent contact.
I met his wife, Beth-she's great and has no idea about this. Where cynthia is concerned, Jon says he can't get past the making-out in cars and the excitement of it all.
I ask him to focus on whether or not his current lifestyle is helping or hurting him. He's smart and knows that his constant obsessing about Cynthia who lives 5 hours away drains him of almost all his energy so he can't stay focused on his wife and family.
Maybe I should ask him to list all the ways his affair is harming him...you know...to highlight it.
What do you think would help?
Dr Mike S. www.nextdayappointment.com; 847 516 0899
Sunday, January 28, 2007
After an Affair: How do you Restore Trust?
Connie has been mad for ten years. First, her husband had a sleezy one night stand in a bar. He felt so bad that he confessed it over dinner one night... and went into details. Yup! Connie was absolutely blindsided.
She tried to heal by herself-10 agonizing tear-filled years. She was almost there. Then, she found a love note in the glove box of her husband's car. Jennifer was pining away for him and their next rendezvous at her apartment...
This time Connie called me, a marriage counselor in Cary and Crystal Lake, Illinois.
She comes in gushing tears and anger, while her husband confesses to his stupidity and begs for forgiveness.
Tell me. Where should we start?
Dr Mike, 847 516 0899; nextdayappointment.com
She tried to heal by herself-10 agonizing tear-filled years. She was almost there. Then, she found a love note in the glove box of her husband's car. Jennifer was pining away for him and their next rendezvous at her apartment...
This time Connie called me, a marriage counselor in Cary and Crystal Lake, Illinois.
She comes in gushing tears and anger, while her husband confesses to his stupidity and begs for forgiveness.
Tell me. Where should we start?
Dr Mike, 847 516 0899; nextdayappointment.com
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