"Males are Just Predators"

Cary, IL; Jan. 31, 2007

Just finished with a couple where the husband would rage at his daughter about dating, coming home on time etc. His wife said the daughter does well in school, is socially adept and hasn't been in any major trouble.

His wife says she has to "protect" the daughter from his raging and is frustrated to the point of exhaustion.

What's all this about? He remembers his youth as a predator-always trying to get laid etc. etc. and is convinced that if he doesn't warn his 17 year old now she will be taken advantage of by other guys who are just like he used to be.

Hmm. I explained that by raging at his daughter who appears to be a good kid can actually cause the rebellion he's trying to prevent. Raging is never the answer!

We guys have to deal with our OWN insecurities first- before we try to do the parenting thing.

Dr Mike, Cary, Algonquin, Crystal Lake, IL
Psychologist and Marriage Counselor, 1 847 516 0899; www.nextdayappointment.com

Put Myself in Time-Out?

Cary, IL; 4:13 PM

A couple just left; the wife complained that they couldn't talk about anything without arguing. The husband would rage and sh'd yell back. It could be about punctuality, bills or anything else.

I said the first principle of marriage counseling is Destruction Reduction. Lower the volume in the house...even if you don't talk at all! Get rid of the outer manifestations of hostility.

You do this by putting yourself in "Time-Out" when you feel the tension build up. Give your spouse the time-out sign, explain that you're feeling uncomfortable and explain that you're going in the backyard for 60 minutes after which you'll return to talk it out.

I explained that you had to let the adrenalin drain away before resuming.

The husband said "Time-out; I put my kids in time-out. That's not for me!"

Hmm...

The Doorway to Infidelity and its Cure

Cary, IL. Jan 29, 2007 3:49 PM

Just finished with Jon. Jon doesn't know what to do with himself. He's married, two great kids but he's obsessed with Cynthia. She lives 5 hours away but his National Guard duty brings them in frequent contact.

I met his wife, Beth-she's great and has no idea about this. Where cynthia is concerned, Jon says he can't get past the making-out in cars and the excitement of it all.

I ask him to focus on whether or not his current lifestyle is helping or hurting him. He's smart and knows that his constant obsessing about Cynthia who lives 5 hours away drains him of almost all his energy so he can't stay focused on his wife and family.

Maybe I should ask him to list all the ways his affair is harming him...you know...to highlight it.

What do you think would help?

Dr Mike S. www.nextdayappointment.com; 847 516 0899

After an Affair: How do you Restore Trust?

Connie has been mad for ten years. First, her husband had a sleezy one night stand in a bar. He felt so bad that he confessed it over dinner one night... and went into details. Yup! Connie was absolutely blindsided.

She tried to heal by herself-10 agonizing tear-filled years. She was almost there. Then, she found a love note in the glove box of her husband's car. Jennifer was pining away for him and their next rendezvous at her apartment...

This time Connie called me, a marriage counselor in Cary and Crystal Lake, Illinois.

She comes in gushing tears and anger, while her husband confesses to his stupidity and begs for forgiveness.

Tell me. Where should we start?

Dr Mike, 847 516 0899; nextdayappointment.com